If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
