Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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