Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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