i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
