There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
