You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I checked into jail on foursquare
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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