I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
