So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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