and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
