Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
