He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
