he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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