Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
