I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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