exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
