Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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