i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
