just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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