I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's like heaven, but drunker
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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