no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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