i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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