Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
