I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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