And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
