Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
