how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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