Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
