I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
