I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
