My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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