You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
