My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
