Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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