maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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