Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
