Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
