I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
please come you make the beer taste better
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
