theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
