Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
