the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think my moral compass just broke
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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