Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
