the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so let's talk penis.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
