I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
