I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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