Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You are the jesus of drinking
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
