Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
