I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The air was thick with penises
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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