I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
