Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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