The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I party with great urgency now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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