I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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