i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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