Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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