Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
