I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
