Jerry, you need to find god
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
