I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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