New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize