This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize