I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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