ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
