I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
