you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
