Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
