I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
