my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
