I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We had sex on a dog bed..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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