she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
