I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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