Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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