Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
