I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
