you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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